


something's terrorized my psyche to get even (lately you're the only human i believe in)

by waterleveldropping



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Coping, Crying, F/M, Light Dom/sub, Non-Sexual Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:26:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27241156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterleveldropping/pseuds/waterleveldropping
Summary: They both knew how it felt, to be squeezed and stuck and held down. It wasn't long before his brain crossed the wires.It wasn’t long before Jon began longing for Daisy to hold him down.
Relationships: Alice "Daisy" Tonner/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 9
Kudos: 63





	something's terrorized my psyche to get even (lately you're the only human i believe in)

**Author's Note:**

> happy ace week, have some ace4ace jondaisy. this is a little messy but so are they. enjoy!

Neither of them were keen on undressing in front of other people, and there was little exception given to one another in regards to that fact. 

Of course, there were the few times they had stripped to get in the bath together after a shared dinner at Jon’s tiny, sparsely decorated flat, but the water blurred their bodies below their neck and shoulders, and the pink smattered across their cheeks was easily excused by the steam. 

Or when they got ready in the mornings, too drowsy to step into separate rooms to change, and Jon had caught sight of Daisy’s bare chest as she hooked her bra on, Daisy’s own eyes flicking over Jon’s bare back as he shrugged into his sweater.

Neither Jon nor Daisy liked being seen naked, it’s something they had in common. They still managed to make what they needed work for one another. After a while, the few times they caught sight of the other’s body became less of an oddity, and more just something that happened, without any real weight to it. Really, it was easier like this. Past partners had been confused, how can you want to participate in kink, in borderline sex, when you don’t want skin on bare skin?

_ I just don’t particularly enjoy being seen with my clothes off. It’s nothing against you, promise. _ Jon had claimed. 

_ My body isn’t for you. Leave if you can’t respect that. You don’t owe me anything. _ Daisy had made clear.

Between each other, the words had already been said. The experience was new for both of them. Jon had to remind himself that Daisy wasn’t thinking about him in that way, Daisy had to tamp down the urge to snarl out a  _ stop staring at me like that  _ when Jon’s deep, dark eyes trawled over her. 

Jon liked to look. Daisy, who knew he wasn’t thinking anything untoward, allowed it. Whatever horrible voyeur made him what he was, it at least didn’t seem to dislike her. At times, this was rightfully disconcerting, but at others, it could almost be comforting to be seen and understood through Jon’s eyes. She could get lost in those eyes. Sometimes she did. 

Daisy doesn’t live with him, not really. She just stopped leaving after a while. Jon didn’t ask where she went when she used to slip away in the middle of the night, but he Knew. It was something he’d managed to keep to himself, despite how much he wanted to reach out and stop her from going, every single time. Daisy needed to relearn many things after the coffin, but mostly she needed someone to listen. Someone who wouldn’t wave her off as a burden, as too much effort. 

It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling for Jon, to say the least. 

What Daisy needed was a warm body next to hers when she woke up screaming, kicking the sweaty sheets off her body that were close, too close. 

Jon found it shockingly easy to fall into that role, to be that for her. At first, Daisy was apprehensive. She didn’t exactly believe she deserved pity from Jonathan Sims of all people. But through reassurance and time, she slowly learned to let him in. After a while, she permitted Jon to be what she needed. It took some trial and error, Daisy required space when her mind went to those places, those damp, cold places beneath the earth, but Jon had adapted. 

Simply put, being allowed to take care of Daisy made Jon feel less like the monster every other aspect of his life claimed he was.

For instance, he had learned-- not been provided with the knowledge-- that Daisy didn’t like to be touched when she shot up in their bed in the night, scratching at her throat and coughing. She did, however, appreciate the act of Jon trimming her nails being incorporated into their post-bath routine so that when it did happen, she wouldn’t hurt herself. 

He had learned that she didn’t take well to being held or hugged from behind without proper warning, but that she enjoyed holding Jon in her arms while he slept, whispering to him that he was safe with her as he drifted off. 

The blinds were kept permanently open, sky always visible so she could watch the wind through the trees on the street. If it wasn’t too cold, they cracked the windows open so Daisy could feel the breeze on her skin. If it was too cold, Jon pulled on a sweater and let Daisy’s presence against his back warm him. He didn’t mind. 

They took care of one another, like that. 

There was something, though, that weighed on Jon’s mind sometimes when he couldn't sleep. The Buried had affected him too, and while he certainly hadn’t been in there as long as Daisy had, it was still difficult to get enough air into his lungs sometimes, if he let his thoughts drift to the ghost of the feeling. He tried his best not to, but they still managed to get away from him sometimes. 

Those hours spent packed in with the dirt, they were awful. But it was something he and Daisy had experienced together, if not to the same intensity. They both knew how it felt, to be squeezed and stuck and held down. 

It wasn’t long before his brain crossed the wires. It wasn’t long before he began longing for Daisy to hold him down. 

Took even less time for Daisy to notice he had something he wasn’t telling her. 

“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t know  _ how  _ to tell you. I realize it can obviously come off as… I just… I didn’t want to offend you.”

“You said yourself that it isn’t sexual. And even if it was… it’s normal, right? That whole thing where you cope by reformatting it so that you’re in control,” Daisy replied as she took a bite of toast. Jon’s flat was cheap and empty, but the light through the blinds in the mornings dyed the kitchen in a deep orange hue. 

Jon nodded, poking at his eggs. He usually skipped breakfast, but Daisy had been keeping him to a strict routine, making sure he at least had something before they headed to work. “If you’re sure. I just know that you’ve worked hard to shake the feeling, and I wasn’t exactly keen to toss you right back into it…” 

Daisy snorted. “Sims, you couldn’t toss me period. I’m about double your weight, even now. And it’ll stay that way if you keep skippin’ your meals. Now eat.” Jon smiled at the remark, and did as he was told. Daisy chewed a bit on her tomatoes, staring out at the sky, obviously considering Jon’s request. After a few seconds, she swallowed and said “I’m open to trying it. Might even be good for me to feel in control that way.” 

For the entirety of the workday, it was all that occupied Jon’s mind. 

Any time he passed Daisy in the hall, all other thoughts were promptly struck from his mind in favour of Daisy’s hands on his shoulders, his chest, his hips, holding him in place. It was unlike him to get so hung up on something, though the Vast-aligned statement he read that afternoon did little to ease his urge to feel grounded. 

“You’ve been wound so tight all day,” Daisy noted as they stepped inside the apartment. 

Jon colored slightly at the observation. She’d noticed. “Sorry, do you still want…?”

“Dinner first. Don’t need you passing out on me-- or, I guess, under me,” Daisy smiled, and Jon’s cheeks grew even warmer. 

She at least allowed for discussion of the scene over their Indian food. 

“It’s most likely going to be overwhelming for me,” Jon said. “You won’t be deterred if... I cry during it?”

Daisy shook her head. She didn’t seem bothered at all, despite how nervous Jon felt. It put him at ease to know she was on the same wavelength as him. So often had he tripped over his words trying to explain what he wanted to past partners. Daisy wasn’t like that, though. She didn’t assume. 

“That’s not a bad thing, however. I find the release very cathartic, but I don’t want it to be... uncomfortable for you,” Jon added. Daisy blinked and met his eyes, and there was no uncertainty in her voice when she said “It’s okay. I want to watch.”

“You do?” 

“To know I’m affecting you that much… I have a feeling it’ll be good for me, too.” 

Jon cleared his throat. “R-Right. Of course. That’s… yes. Good.” 

Daisy smiled slyly into her drink. 

With dishes put away, leftovers in tupperware for lunch tomorrow, Daisy decided not to make Jon wait any longer and promptly asked “Where do you wanna do this? Bed?” 

Jon swallowed, thought on it. He had spent the better part of the day conjuring up the image, but only now did it occur to him that he had pictured it happening on the floor. The carpet in the living room was cheap and rough, but Jon didn’t want this to feel comforting. He wanted it to take him out of his mind, to press into his senses and push any other thoughts out, as Daisy pressed him into the hard floor. 

So they sat on Jon’s living room carpet, Daisy’s breath steady and Jon’s stomach in knots. All the specifics had been discussed, boundaries laid out clearly, but there was still the matter of making the first move. 

Daisy assumed that fell to her, as the more dominant role in this scene-- but even if she didn’t show it, she was rather nervous herself.  _ Jon asked for this, _ she reminded herself.  _ And you said you wanted to try it, you  _ do _ want to try it. What are you waiting for? _

Nothing, she realized, as she shook her head of thoughts and reservations, and pushed Jon back onto the floor. Neither of them had undressed of course, but they had changed out of their work clothes into softer things. Work was the last thing on their minds. Here, all they needed to focus on was one another. 

Daisy slotted Jon’s hips in between her legs, straddling his waist firmly. He made a small sound at that, and she found herself spurred on by it. Right, she could do this. Jon wanted her to do this, and she wanted to do this, too. 

“All right?” she asked, wanting a verbal confirmation. Maybe then her heart would sink back down to its rightful place in her chest, instead of its current residence in her throat. 

Jon nodded underneath her, his dark eyes wide. “Yes. Yes, Daisy.” She smiled at that, and felt her brow unfurrow, the muscles in her face relaxing, the tension in her skull dissipating slightly. 

Bringing her hands to trace either of Jon’s arms, she let herself breathe. Jon shook under her, the veins in his wrists twitching as she ghosted them. Daisy tightened her grip around his small, thin wrists, and pinned them to either side of Jon’s head with a  _ thud _ mostly swallowed up by the carpeting. The proper moan it drew out of him wasn’t something Jon tried to muffle, however. 

She shifted her weight onto her knees, pushing off of his hips for a second, and Jon actually whined at the loss of pressure. 

“Don’t be impatient. I thought you wanted to draw this out?” 

“I do, I’m sorry,” Jon replied, much quicker than Daisy expected. Whoever had taught him his manners in situations like this, he had learned well. It made sense. It felt right, to be on top of him like this. She figured she should let him know about that fact. 

“You look good under me, Sims. Really, it’s where you belong.” Daisy spoke as she lowered herself back down onto him, scooting forward to just beneath his ribs. The breath she managed to push out of his lungs came out as a pathetic little sound, twisted into something desperate by his throat. She liked it. 

Her palms moved to his shoulders, giving his wrists time to miss the feeling of her hands around them. Daisy was no expert, but even she understood how tight Jon’s shoulders were, how rigid his neck was from sitting at a desk all day. She pressed her fingers down into the dip of his collarbone, and he shuddered. 

“Good?” she asked, even though she knew the answer. 

“Yes, Daisy,” Jon hummed again, his eyes blinking shut, jaw slack and mouth open as she pulled more high, keening sounds from him. “Ah, ah, please…” 

“You’re so small, you know. Not hard at all to pin you beneath me. Do you miss the pressure on your arms?” Daisy moved herself even further up Jon’s body, pressing her knees into his upper arms, just shy of his shoulders. “‘Course you do,” she licked her teeth, “You want me all over you, right? Surrounding you, pressing in on you. You want to feel small.” 

The words tumbling out of her mouth almost surprised her. She had done things like this before with strangers she’d picked up at pubs, and wasn’t unfamiliar with it, but it felt different with Jon. Considering their history, the fact that Jon wanted Daisy to do this to him at all was something she was still trying to wrap her head around. 

No, not just that he wanted it-- that he allowed it. That he trusted her to do it. 

She tried not to let the sudden feeling in her chest distract her from her work. 

After a few more seconds of allowing herself to admire Jon from his angle, Daisy slid herself back down his body, over his chest, his stomach, settling back down on his hips. Supporting herself on her forearms, she pressed her chest to his, their faces close together. 

He stared back at her with those eyes that she wasn’t sure whether to love or hate, but was damn sure that she would never really settle on an answer for. Jon’s eyelashes were long, and Daisy decided she wanted to feel them flutter shut against her cheeks, so she kissed him. 

Nearly laying on top of him at this point, she squeezed out the last of the air from his lungs, let it pass between her lips. Jon was an interesting kisser, Daisy had realized this quickly. He kissed with a strange combination of fervor and languidness, like he was simultaneously scared of underperforming and fearing Daisy pulling away. Daisy pressed her chest into Jon’s chest, her palms to the side of his face, her tongue past his teeth, and swallowed him. 

Only when she felt the wetness on her eyelashes did she pull away and leave Jon gasping for breath. Daisy lifted herself back onto her heels, allowing him to collect himself, and admired the view. Jon’s cheeks were red and wet, his lips slick with a combination of his own drool and Daisy’s spit. If she were one for cliches, she would have said that she fell just a little bit more for him like this. But that isn’t what they were, so she didn’t. She merely sunk back down onto him after he had properly caught his breath, laced their fingers together, and pulled his hands above his head firmly. 

“You’re so small. Just so insignificant under me,” Daisy noted, making sure the pull on Jon’s arms was just enough to produce a pleasant burn in his back and shoulders. “You’re pretty, when you cry.” 

That earned her a squeeze to her hands and a sob from his lungs. She made the decision to continue. “What? You like being talked to like that?” 

“I do, I do,” Jon babbled, tears flowing freely. He sniffed, his usually even, deep voice congested and messy, and Daisy kissed him once again before she could help it. She licked at the inside of his mouth, allowed him to drown under her lips and tongue. Then she pulled away, only an inch, and pressed her warm, wet lips to his salty cheeks. She licked at his tears and Jon squirmed underneath her, but Daisy held him still with firm hands to his shoulders. 

When she pulled away, half to admire him, and half to ask “You okay?”, Jon was properly crying, his chest heaving and spasming. 

“I’m a-alright,” Jon sniffed. His eyes were even harder to not get lost in when they were wet and glassy, the skin around them dark and flushed. “Yes, I’m okay Daisy. It’s just… a lot.” 

“Yeah. Want me to keep going?” 

“I… I’m not sure,” Jon ran his teeth over his lips. “I think I may just want for you to… to hold me?” 

Daisy nodded, a very small smile passing over her face. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. I’m going to get off of you now, okay?” When Jon nodded, she settled to the side of him, and extended a hand to pull him up. He took it gladly, and let himself be pulled into a tight hug. 

“I’ve got you, okay?” Daisy said before she could stop herself. “I’ve got you.” 

“You do,” Jon replied, voice wet. “You do. I know you do.” 

She helped him up onto the couch, brushing his hair from his face, wiping his cheeks with her thumb. He smiled, bashful, obviously a bit out of practice with being doted on.  _ Tough,  _ Daisy thought fondly. Jon was just going to have to deal with it. Getting to take care of her partner afterwards was typically Daisy’s favorite part. 

“All good?” she asked again, just to check in as she pressed a cool glass of water into Jon’s still shaking hands. 

He nodded and sipped the water gratefully, his breathing evening out by now. “Yes. Yes I believe so. Thank you.” 

“No problem. Was it what you needed?” she tried not to sound like she was fishing for praise, but she was never too great of a liar when it came to these things. Though with Jon, she didn’t really feel a need to hide as much. 

Jon nodded quickly, enthusiastically. “Very much so. You’re…” he searched for the correct word “quite practiced at this sort of thing.” 

Daisy snorted, ran a hand through her hair. “Yeah, I’ve got some experience. I’m glad it could come in handy. I haven’t ever done it with someone who didn’t want sex afterwards.” she bit her lip, staring at the floor, considering. “It’s… nice though. With you.” 

Jon smiled, his eyes still a bit red. “Yes, it is.” 

Daisy cleared her throat suddenly uncomfortable with the air that had fallen over the room. “Bath?” she asked. 

“Maybe in a bit,” Jon said, moving to rest his head on Daisy’s shoulder. “Is it okay if we stay like this for a minute?”

“Whatever you need.” Daisy replied. She didn’t let her smile show, but figured that the arm she swung around Jon’s shoulders was appreciation enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> title from 'we will commit wolf murder' by of Montreal, a very jondaisy song.  
> comments are appreciated <3


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